It´s so beautiful, quiet and peaceful. All these nice and dead people! None of them crosses my path and annoys me by making noises, leaving scents or trying to chatter. Nevertheless they have so many stories to tell. Am I in heaven?
Goosebumps are my steady companions and the downward paths of beads of sweat are broken by them. Even the wind is giving a wide berth around the cemetry and the heat is just stopped by trees, that could be over a hundred years old.
So many lives, so many universes are lying there under the ground, as if they never have existed. As if they never played a role in this world. Still they played a big role in their own universe and in everyones universe they have touched.
How big it is, when you are alive. How little, when you are dead. In a song it is said „I life with love is a life that has been lived“ (Supermarket Flowers, Ed Sheeran). Did they live a life with loads of love? Does anyone miss them? And why? Have they been good people that raised strong, honest, useful and loving children? Have I ever met one of them and how did that affect me? How did it affect me, how the dead one beside me lived her or his life? There could be so many overlaps. Have they been useful?
And – hold on – just a second – what if… Oh my gosh, how do I live my short and ending life? The fewest of my dead companions were older then 100 and too many died too young. I guess they didn´t expect there lifes to end that fast – like I do. What if everything is over in 10 years? What have I done? How will I´ve been lived my life and how will this have affected another life in a hundred years? How useful is my life?
It´s sinking in that my manners of life where driven by correcting the mistakes, lots of people have done on me. I have lived to someone else´s conditions. Fuck!! I mean, it was ok. It was necessary. It was essential to heal. And now, I´m ready to put all of my focus on how I want to live a life with love so that at the end, my loved ones and I can call it a life that has been lived.
~* The problem is, you think you have time *~