„What do you want to be when you grow older?“ asked everyone.
„I want to be happy“ the little girl answered. To be happy, although she didn´t know, what it is. Not even, what it means. But she knew what everyone told her what it´s like to be happy und she did not understand why other kids could be so stupid to say things like „an astronaut“, „a doctor“ or „a policeman“. Why the hell should these things come before happiness and why did nobody understand her words? Why did nobody understand the meaning and why did they laugh? What did she get wrong about the happiness thing? Was being happy a common state of mind for everyone else, just not for her? Why couldn´t they see that nothing, literally and absolutely nothing in this world could be more worth to be the asperation in life? Was she so wrong? Why was her mindset so different from anyone else´s and why didn´t she fit in? Why didn´t the world fit into her? Why is everything so irritating? Why is everything so dreadful?
The world forced her to let go the deepest wish that she stored in her heart for ages. In order to be right and to have a place in this dreadful, irritating world she forced herself to learn what others defined as the right life goals. She wanted to make them her goals.
It didn´t work.
Years were full of pain, illnesses and a constantly broken heart.
But actually wild hearts can´t be broken. Every pressure to fit in was freeing her heart from the shell. Every force cracked it and teared it down.
Everyone was wrong about the happiness thing. Happiness is an empty word. Happiness is not the thing to work for, to spend the life searching for. Happiness is a result that is not to be found anywhere. So what do we long for when we are talking about being happy? What is the essence of happiness for you?
Adding value to the life of others, being useful, being calm, being strong, being able to stand up one more time than things around you knocked you down, having a strong identity that does not fall into pieces when the ground is shaking, being able to love, being able to feel loved, a deeper understanding of everything, being able to make people around you feel loved, comfortable and supported, seeing that you are not better than everyone else, seeing that noone is better than you, being honest, transparent and open-hearted, feeling protected. Everything you missed as a child.
You needed someone who adds value into your life.
You needed somene who is useful for you so you can learn and grow up.
You needed someone to be calm and strong ´cause the life of a child is stormy and weak and threatening.
You needed someone, who lifts you up, when you have fallen down.
You needed someone with a strong identity to learn how to define your own limits.
You needed someone who knows how to love you right and deeply.
You needed someone who you could cuddle and show your love when you had nothing else to give.
You needed someone explaining you the world to not eat the poisonous plant.
You needed a soothing environment.
You needed to learn that you are a part of a world, just like everyone else is.
You needed someone to trust.
You needed someone to cry with.
You needed someone to hold you.
This is the happiness thing. Learn to give what everyone else should have given you as you were a child.
I promise you´ll find happiness then.